Evening Comics Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Television's leading hosts used their evening ridiculing President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa program, dubbed the "golden visa," characterizing it as a blatant pay-to-play system for the affluent.

Colbert's Pointed Take

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday tune about the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... spoils each thing he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the controversial program which enables international citizens to purchase U.S. residence for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "premium" tier for five million. An official portal promises processing "in record time."

"One thought for you to affluent applicants: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the program is also intended to "get cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty payments. "That's a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choice – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"The most thorough vetting the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll numbers amid financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a effort to discuss cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of food items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing right-leaning media defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.